I arrived in Mumbai at night, and I was stuck in a traffic jam on my way to my hotel. The noise of the honking penetrating my hotel room window and the smells of the exhaust of all the engines lingered until I put on my AC…
Where did I land? What was this crowded place?
There is no escaping, no place where the sounds of the honking, screams of the children, drums of the baraat are silenced in this city. It is such a culture shock, that in my first days in Mumbai everything entered my soul unfiltered.
The beggars and the homeless, the dog (?) feces on the sidewalk, the smells of the paan shop, the exhaust fumes of the rickshaws and don’t forget the eyes of all looking straight at me.
It is exhausting to say the least.
In that first week I started shutting off when I walked on the street. I didn’t look at anything besides the direction I needed to go.I had this survival mode to not smile, to not make eye contact when outside, feeling so uncomfortable, not at ease at all. I hated this place and I felt like I was living in hell.
I avoided walking the streets, took an uber not to have to deal with the smell and heat and had constant mixed feelings of being scared, overwhelmed and home sick all at the same time. At night I cried, missing my home and my cat and the easiness of the flow of life in Dubai.
Now, after two weeks, I feel I have landed a bit. I stayed in my apartment for 2 days to rest, being in my own space and when I felt ready to go outside, I went to a yoga class recommended by a yogi I follow on Instagram. This was exactly what I needed. The yoga space was quiet, filled with plants and away of the buss of the city. The older female teacher was direct, simple and super powerful in her yogic knowledge. She saw straight through me and knew precisely how to adjust me. The simplest asanas were hard in her class, and made me feel like such a beginner, so much strength is needed, to even stand properly! I’ve learned so much in that 1,5 hours, I left the class feeling like a humble yoga student for life, grateful for this experience and blessing the fact that I was in Mumbai, able to take her class. This experience gave me just the little strength I so needed to continue.
It could be that the reason I am in this city is to learn life lessons that I wouldn’t be able to do elsewhere. One of the lessons have been, to be okay with not being okay. To accept that it is what it is, and not trying to change it (or more so, not being able to change it!)
I heard myself repeating the thought to myself: “I don’t want to be here” like multiple times a day. I was able to say to myself; that thought is not helping me! I am here. Deal with being here! And the thought disappeared…
To me this was magic!
I’m not sure how long I will stay in this city, it still isn’t my favorite place to be, but what I can say proudly is that I conquered my own fears & thoughts (cockroaches, alone wondering the city, taking rickshaws) and made the best of the time in between both of them.
I now learned that life isn’t about where you are, what you do or where you’re going, it is about the way you feel inside, with yourself, and about yourself.
With love, Lonneke
